Day 2 - What on earth am I here for?

As of speaking really I dont know yet what I am here for. I may know my roles as daughter, sister, friend, officemate, schoolmate but to be specific in purpose I still do not get it clearly.

From the chapter I was enlightened how we are not accidents but well planed by God. kaso we hac not the time.

Oh my I am sleepy, I dont think of finishing this yet sis.. Hope I could devout sometime tomorrowto finish this one...

What's my life right now?

To describe my life right now, I would like to itemize them into some points.

1. I am always in a rush and late. I can feel the quality of time I can give to my loved ones as bad, some might be reaching satisfactory level but most I don't think passing.
2. I feel restless. For most of the time, I feel this way though my life if you assess it is not that really tiring at all.
3. There is no direction I sense in my life. I can't decide that well. I always leave my decision making to the situation.
4. I make myself sad easily. I'm very fragile especially when Im left alone by myself. I can be always smiling but behind those smiles is my heart not necessarily sad but as well not happy.
5. I would like someone to drive me to make good of my life. I have always not aimed for the best, I most of the time (as in very most) settle for second best. I am an average.
6. I am stucked to my past. And can hardly make it forward.
7. I have no focus. I joggle on many things. Jack of all traits and master of nothing.

These things I would like to get rid or better yet get improvements with. I do not like to be a nega but I would like to know the root cause of why I am like this that's why I decided to put these things into writing. I would like to unclog my baggages. With the many things I have loaded, there comes a point that I can no longer see what's deep within me. I often times consider myself a shallow person, that i can not dig deeper inside. I just now realize that these baggages might have caused it. Now, as I speak, I will start loosening myself. Disassemble the parts of me that were just put into place carelessly. And to get to the starting point of putting up myself again starting from a bare base.

For now, i would picture myself, as a christmas tree after the holidays season. The decorations be put down and set aside for the moment. When everything is removed, all that's left is the bare tree needing some cleaning, polishing and rest after the long season. This part will now be the time for me to get nourished with the food for my sould and body. Then come another holiday season, when the tree will be put up once more, decorated with colorful balls and stuffs. Then be covered as well with the shining colorful lights of next Christmas. This time, the tree just came from a long rest and safety keeping to be able to by the next season stand firm and strong emulating the beauty and love brought by the season.

Oh how excited I feel right now, for the renewal that can be brought by God to me. Everything i have written at the start of this blog, i lift them all to you Lord. I rest these to your healing hand, I can't make it alone. I need you always especially during this time of my life.

Day1 - It all starts with God

I have just started reading Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. Thanks to my sis that I will be having a partner while doing the searching of our purposes in our lives. The author have said in the introduction of his book that it would be better to read the book with a partner to share with.

What has been imparted to me upon readng this chapter is that, in the search of one's purpose in life, it should be started from a correct origin as it should be rooted from a firm foundation. As human, what or whom should we refer to to know the purpose we have. Who else shall know for what we are made for but our creator. For everyone of us, God has reason for putting us to where we are.

Being reminded of God to be our creator who knows the purpose why we were put into life, we are led to the fact that it's all about God. Our purpose is to bring to realization the plan that was set for us to accomplish.

As I reflect today, I realize the focus I need to give to the direction that would be set for me as I get deeper with the search I have started. It seems my life is cluttered with the many things I have placed myself into. For the past years, I made myself feel busy by engaging myself to lts of things, as I look for to which I will fit. I try doing anything possible and get a taste of anything new, to test if it suits me or not. But one thing in common is that I don't get myself to much into anything I tried. It has been like I have dipped my feet to so many seas but take them off so quickly.

Prioritizing has always crossed my mind so many times before. But it has always been hard for me to take choices. I know for a fact there's a decision to make of which to leave behind and which to take on along with my journey. But none was made yet.

I was strucked by a sister a while ago who said something a decision to make. She has made her choice. For me, there were so many times that it comes to my mind to give up one thing in my life, I cannot put into words the feeling, but its like that my pasion is no longer there or did I ever get passionated to it from the first place? Maybe I was excited by it being new the first time as well as for the people I meet. but suddenly I have not nourished it well, my fault. Upto the point that doing it becomes just an obligation. Oh i put the blame all to myself, the people are nice its just that I did not reciprocate.

I would like to loosen up my activities. To make more room for time for myself to relax. To be able to give rest to my tiredness.

Now have thought of a new blog entry about my life right now. Actually for the whole time i write this, I am thinking aloud, writing down whichever comes into my mind not minding if it still relates to the title I set above. After all this is my life, that I would like to mold towards getting its purpose according to what God my creator has set for me. I hope very much that I can get a clear picture of my life's purpose after this. Thank God!

You know what...

I wish to read the blogs I have written some years ago, but after finishing the first I would rather not continue as I do not like to relive the sadness I felt during the times I was writing them down. I think I am fragile to be melting down still once I disturb my emotions with the things I have encrypted in this blog. Hmmm... my heart you'll so fragile, really should be handled with utmost care.

I'm back... now for always

As I reopen my long forgotten blogspot, I scrolled down from top to bottom and just realized that I have created quite a number of blog entries here one time in my life.

As I speak, I just finished editing this profile to make it seem to be an anonymous account. Actually, I first tried creating a new blog using my email assuming that my old one hs already expired and that i can reuse my email to create a new one. Only to find out that blogspot still recognizes my email to have been used for a certain account. And it just seems that blogspot needs to use a gmail account with it. So I claimed my old blog using my gmail account.

Anyways, I am done with my first steps to make my account unknown. Why did I think of rebuilding this blog? It has always been a difficult effort for my to create my journal. I have always get started but sadly have not been able to keep it going. Its either I have turned my journal into a record note of anything under the sun expenses and financial notes of mine or I would just not finish the notebook and leave it and just stop writing in it. I decided put my journal into any blog site. And luckily I was able to revive this account..

So for the next entries, hopefully I may be able to share my insights, reflections, God's messages to me, experiences, and any other thngs that run into my mind in this blog. I cross my fingers that I may be abe to do this as often as daily.

I will have to write down in here my daily journal at the same time that I am reading the 40 days book 'Purpose Driven Life' of Rick Warren. See you always...